Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."