Joke #9960

I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."

Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales.

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!

Q: What is a snake's favorite subject in school? A: Hissssstory.

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."

Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."