I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk.
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
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Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree.
The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey."
"Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some."
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes?
A: Slow clowns.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News?
Because bad news travels fast!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.