What do dinosaurs put on their floors?
Rep-tiles.
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Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.
What's a pet's favorite day?
Saint Petrick's Day.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
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Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him.
When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand.
The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet.
Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
Vote:
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys."
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
"That was amazing," exclaimed the coach.
"I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?"
"Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"
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Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
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What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull?
A dear steer.