What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Hey, could you go walk the dog?"
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle.
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.