Joke #2966

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!
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Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
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How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
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Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
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Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
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Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
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Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!
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Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
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What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he cant hear you.
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The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the BET was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, “Springbok.” Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, “And it was shot with a 22 rifle.” He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Kalahari Lion.” Fingering the bullet hole, he added, “The rifle was a 308.” He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, “Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?” His wife replied angrily, “From me!” “What did I do?” he asked. She replied, “You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an ax!’”
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