Joke #2966

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!

There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, go.

Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.

What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits? A cud thud.

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!

What do cows like to do at amoosement parks? Ride on the roller cowster.

Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.