Joke #4890

Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.

Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!

Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.

Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.

Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.

What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away.

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”

What is a moo hoo for a delightful ranch owner? A charmer farmer.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.