I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you.
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it's kangaroo!
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?" The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A polo bear.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.