Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
I threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.
His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.
"That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.
She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
A: He can't make a fist.
Vote:
How do you make a cat be a dog?
Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match.
It will go 'WOOF.'
How do rabbits get to work?
By rabbit transit.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t.
The pig was killed.
The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray.
He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
“What happened?” asked the President.
“Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.”
“My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President.
The driver replied: “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”