A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up? A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real!
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool
A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers, "Oh sorry! can I have a diet coke then?"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra? ‘Thanks for the refill.’
An old man asks a blond: If a guy would try to rape you, will you scream for help? If he can’t manage me by himself off course!
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'
Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard? A. Grade 4.