Joke #3078

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said. "I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?" "I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said. "Oh, come on," the man teased. "You'd give your own mother a ticket." "No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper. Then a grin spread over his face. "But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said, "and I issued her a warning. But that's all."

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?” The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

How does the LAPD play poker? Four clubs beat a king.

There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving? The Cop

How many white cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He fell.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"

A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?" I said, "No." He said, "Stick 'em up!"