Joke #10101

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.

Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!

How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor. "It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Chucks Norris's mirror is scared to look at him.