Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
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6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card.
Sex: F
He laughs.
Mom: "Whats so funny?"
Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in sex that you failed in it."
Husband died laughing.
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
A: When did you turn up?
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid?
A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Vote:
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.
My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons."
Wife: "Same to you father of none."
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...
Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.
