I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
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What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Jennifer, wanna go to my place?
I am not Jennifer
But I didn't ask about that...
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.
She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue."
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.
The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?"
The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat.
"Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?"
The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian."
The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop.
A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"