I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
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In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.
One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says.
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's penis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"
Why are all jokes about women one-liners?
So men can understand them.
What is a man's definition of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Sid and Irv are business partners.
They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife.
So Irv dies.
Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife.
Then one day he gets a call.
It's Irv.
"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.
"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."
"Oh, my God," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?"
"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.
One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'
An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in."
She lets him in and goes "how can we help?"
The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"