Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
Men are like guns. Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"? Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"