Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
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How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
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Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.
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After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.