Joke #3185

Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
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has 48.30 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: math

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If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
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has 71.88 % from 492 votes. More jokes about: math
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
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Q: How do you make seven an even number? A: Take the s out!
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Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number. Student: Okay, I’ve got one. Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
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has 70.94 % from 395 votes. More jokes about: math
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
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has 72.53 % from 305 votes. More jokes about: math, science
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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has 79.38 % from 383 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, technology
Q: Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? A: Because they don't believe in higher powers.
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Q:What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A:A high school math problem!
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has 41.41 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: math
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
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has 71.15 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: geek, hunting, math, nerd, science
The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”. He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”. She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”. He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”. She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers. Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”. He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.
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has 75.26 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, math, teacher, time