What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
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What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop.
J(ohnny):I want a pistol
S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols)
J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this,
S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose?
J: For shooting cans.
S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one.
J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one.
S: And what cans will you shoot at?
J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
A couple was having an argument, and the man was losing badly.
After 5 minutes the woman won the argument proving the man to be stupid, the man sadly says
"If my proof falls then I rome through the halls."
Then the woman leaves for 10 minutes and comes back starts giving him a blowjob.
The man is confused and says "what are you doing?"
She said "If I prove you dumb I give ya some."
The man continues to lose a argument knowing he will get a blowjob after 10 minutes, and he did.
Years later they have a kid but none of them want him so they have an argument of who takes care of it and the other leaves for good.
The man without a thought loses the argument the get another blowjob, but after the argument the woman starts rapping
"Yo yo guess who's the kid, not me so suck yourself bitch."
Before she leaves the he says "what about the blowjob?"
She says ask my twin sister that has herpes cause she did it the whole time.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Men are like.....Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely.
I wish my friends were back here."
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A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can’t wear your pants," she said.
"That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!"
She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"