Joke #3318

What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

John was in trouble, really big trouble. You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" She was serious too, so John got serious. The next morning he woke up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation. Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale. John has been missing since Thursday.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
Vote: has 22.36 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, sex, time, women
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
Vote: has 79.46 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Vote: has 85.61 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
Vote: has 80.15 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son... "Go get your Mother."
Vote: has 89.20 % from 941 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men