Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Jennifer, wanna go to my place? I am not Jennifer But I didn't ask about that...
Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.