Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
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Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.
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Chuck Norris sky dives without a parachute.
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What does NBA stand for Niggas Boucing Around.
The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low.
The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.