Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.