Joke #3294

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men

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A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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has 77.25 % from 451 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, women
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men
A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man. "Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want." Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie. "You grant wishes right?" "Yes." replies the genie. "Hmm, I'd like a million bucks." Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar. "Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!" His friends sitting at the table replies, "Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
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has 78.60 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: bar, duck, genie, men, music
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.
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has 39.08 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: black people, dirty, jewish, men, women
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.  Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"  "Oh," replied Jim " at Yale." "That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men, school, work
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, work
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: beer, men
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, men