Joke #5134

A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
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According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
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If Men Ruled the World... Laws: Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Car rental agencies would rent tanks. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas. Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
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Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
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Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
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Q: What is difference between man and Superman? A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
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Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
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Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on Earth for?" "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor." "OK, but it's against my better judgment." Steve has his operation. The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way. "Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me." "Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised." Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
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