Joke #5134

A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant. "The ball type?" asked the clerk. "No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.

Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.

Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!

John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.

One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"