Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
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While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."
The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."