Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
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A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.
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Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.