Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop. J(ohnny):I want a pistol S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols) J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this, S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose? J: For shooting cans. S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one. J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one. S: And what cans will you shoot at? J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans...
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Men come in three sizes: Small, medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
Warning ladies! Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY". This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".