Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.
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The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
What is a "successful hunting trip"?
When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.
The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.