Joke #5121

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.

"What is the thickest book in the world? What Men Think They Know About Women."

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.

How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."

Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.