What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
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As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."
But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
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What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
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After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence.
She warns him that he'll fart his guts out.
One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence.
The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom.
Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
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A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon.
They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do.
Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together.
After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together.
Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom.
After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
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When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
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That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Gulp.
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