Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
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Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?
A: Because they have big fingers!
Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think it's whale shit.
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Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.
What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
They go sharkers.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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How do you confuse a frog?
Put it in a round bowl and tell it to take a nap in the corner.
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."