Joke #2944

So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it. So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
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What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
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In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
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Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
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You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
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I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...
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That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
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How much do I owe Yo' Mama? My dog came home happy last night.
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