Joke #3442

If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
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A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that bull came home this morning."
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Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
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Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
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Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
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I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
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Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women? A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
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What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.
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Man: Great idea, bad design.
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