What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
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Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
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What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband.
"If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.