What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
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Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote:
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
"Did you bring a container for this? "
"You're speaking to it."
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.