Joke #345

Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.

Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.

Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.

Kobe Bryant wears the number 24 to remind himself about how many seconds he has to hog the ball.

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Why did the basketball player go to jail? "Because he shot the ball!"

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."

Q: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A: When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.