Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
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Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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A Scottish man was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double.
Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.
The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by.
The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first.
The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!”
Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down.
The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.”
The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!
Mrs. Williams: Ok kids let's play soccer
SMACK!
Anna:OW!
Mrs. Williams: What happened Anna?
Anna: Andy punched me!
Mrs. Williams : Why did you punch Anna,Andy?
Andy: You said let's play sock her, so I did.
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.
The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."
The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."