Why did the football coach flood the pitch? Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded. "Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" "Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked. "Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?" The golfer thought it over carefully and responded... "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
What is the noisiest game? Squash – because you can’t play it without raising a racquet!
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer? The torturer would apologize first.
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies? A: A baseball team.
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit? One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!