Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
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There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving one day.
So he went to the deepest part of the beach, got on his gear, and went underwater.
He decides to go down 20 feet, and there he sees another guy with no equipment on.
The man thought this was strange but we forgot about it and went down another 20 feet.
There, he sees the same guy down there with no gear on.
But the man decided to forget about it and go down another 20 feet.
When he does, he sees the same guy 60 feet underwater with no gear on.
Finally the man writes a note asking this guy how he can go so deep underwater without any gear.
The guy writes back, ''Because I'm drowning, asshole!''
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Chuck Norris holds the world record for most push ups done in a hour, the number is all of them.
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Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!"
The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!"
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
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