Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
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Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
Vote:
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.