Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed.
When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job.
Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
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How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.