How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
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A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship?
A. A second date.
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
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