How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
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What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke.
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.