How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
What does a man call true love? An erection.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.