Joke #5627

A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite?" The man replies, "No my dog doesn't." The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the other.

Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" The doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.

What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".

Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"

A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.