Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.." The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area." "Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..." The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?" The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."