Joke #3518

Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."

My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.

Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’

- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."

I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start. "I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up

There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"

Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.

My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she's a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours.

Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck. My wife is better than that.’ The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know? Your wife IS better.’