Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
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Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear?
A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
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What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
Your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff!
I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
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A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards.
‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man.
‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players.
‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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