A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found.
He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole.
The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!”
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.”
And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
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I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund.
It was a sad, funny kind of film.
In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film.
After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said.
"That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!
Did you hear about the argumentative skunk?
He always liked to make a stink.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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