What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
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Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
One dinosaur said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Another dinosaur said "A non-renewable recourse!"
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"May I buy half a rabbit?"
"No, we don't split hares."
Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Yo mama is so fat she made all the dinosaurs extinct.
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."
"What a coincidence," said the woman next to him.
I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are your celebrating?"
"I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"What a coincidence, the woman said.
For my husband and I have been trying to have a child.
Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said.
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here!
I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time.
Today I am taking them to the beach."
Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor?
A: Long distance!
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