Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”
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Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.
Q: Whats the definition of vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis.
He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car".
The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening.
He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room.
"OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.
Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex?
Girl: A threesome.
Boy: What's it called when two people have sex?
Girl: A twosome.
Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.
Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name?
Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."