Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year."
The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."
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A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
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Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless."
Doc: "How? Give me an example."
Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."
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Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
How does a gay man fake an orgasm?
He spits on his partners back.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Bully: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.
Geek: No wonder your mom's mouth is so fresh.
Class: Oooooohhhh!
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink
A: A cocktail.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.