Joke #5381

Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year." The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."

When do boys ask for a girl’s hand? When they get bored by theirs!

Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.

Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

A woman asks an agriculturalist: "Please, tell me what shall I do? I have a garden but nothing grows there, like flowers or vegetables." The agriculturalist says: "You know, it is to dung the garden with a good fertilizer." The woman says: "And wouldn´t it be better to plant the vegetables directly into the ass?"

My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower." "No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"

What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common? They both get harder the longer you play with them.

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!