Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year."
The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."
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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
A: Tell them you can't cum.
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Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Pr*stitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
