Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year."
The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."
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What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?
"popcorn"! What were you thinking?!
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver.
She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?"
"Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish.
Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids."
"Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too."
"My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."
Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore?
A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?"
"Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you. You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients. Of course, I know you!"
Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says: "Do you know the defense lawyer?"
"Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft as well. I was holding him in my arms when he was a baby, and I can say that I am disappointed in him, too. He’s a drunk and a gamester. He finds it hard to develop a normal relationship with anyone and he is one of the worst lawyers of our town!"
At that point, the Chairman interrupts the process and demands from the two lawyers to approach the bench. When they do, he bends over and whispers to them: "If any of you jerks, asks if she knows me, you’re screwed!"
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Wallnuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chest nuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chin?
A: A penis in your mouth
There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky,
when the notion of the motion was planted,
in her dinky little head.
With her butt in the air,
while the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest.
Drunk and stupid and would not listen,
smeared beyond recognition,
she said it was Tinker Bell but we couldn't tell O well.
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called?
A: A Cock in the mouth!
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