Joke #5381

Two blokes sitting in a bar, 1 says, "After 10 years of marriage, s*x is down to three times a year." The other replies, "Same here pal, as a matter of fact if my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open I'd have none at all."

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.

Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"

Pr*stitute in the police station. The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?" She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."

He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!