A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie.
He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish.
He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish."
The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible.
Some things just can't be changed.
Do you have another wish?"
The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife.
That would be my wish."
The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"
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What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rape White women?
An inmate.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone.
Wing, Wing, Halo
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206″:
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn’t stop."
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times?
A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
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Q: What do you call an African American documentary?
A: Planet of the Apes.
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I was going to tell a chinese joke, but it's just wong.
Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal?
A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"
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In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida.
Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami.
"Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks."
"I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied."
Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.
"What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room.
"Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
"Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic."
"I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?"
"Jesus, Son of Mary."
"Where was he born?"
"In a stable."
"And why was he born in a stable?"
"Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"