I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.
He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle."
The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.