Joke #3714

What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal

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The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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has 84.80 % from 573 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, fart, husband, time
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
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has 76.45 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, parrot, phone
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, wife
What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mex.
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has 22.70 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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has 75.81 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, little Johnny, teacher
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris