What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
What's a rabbits favorite book? Hop on Pop.
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water? A: It'll take a while before I get hard again, I just got laid by a chick.
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"