Joke #5224

Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."

Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.

"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."

What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."

What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.

A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two b's already.

An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.