Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole? A hole-y Cow.
What did one skunk say to another? And so do you.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.