Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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What's an extroverted IT professional?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.
Vote:
A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’
Q: Which Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
Vote:
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week.
Finally someone notices and calls the police.
They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.
The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion.
The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair.
Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
Someone calls at the hotline:
Good evening.
I’ve just installed Windows 98...
So?
Wheel I have a problem...
Ok, ok, you just said that...
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
Two geeks are talking over lunch.
The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning.
A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' …
So I took the bike"
The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."