What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
(A bear-faced lyre!)
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Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy."
Jimmy says, "Now!
I can see why they threw him out!
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent,
"An Angel brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the angel brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A kid asks his father:
Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed?
Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
Chuck Norris was an only child.
Eventually.
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I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors.
I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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