What do you call a bear with no teeth? (A gummy bear!)
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Bob checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager and raised a fuss. "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't bother you now." "The dead one doesn't bother me." Bob said. "It's his pallbearers."
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A: A milk shake.
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales.