What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
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What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play.
Their mother said yes, but only for an hour.
An hour later, only Out came back.
Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In."
About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In.
Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly.
"Easy."
Out said.
"In-stincts."
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.
The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car.
The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around.
After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
"That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor.
"Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.
The further he walked, the more rats followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.
So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store shortly.
"Ah-ha!" said the proprietor.
"You've come back for the story, right?"
"Nope," said the man.
"You have any brass lawyers?"
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!