What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
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Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse.
He uses a lion.
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A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
He got cut off without a scent.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
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Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.