Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook." "Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home." Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What happened?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot. "Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?" "I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo? A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force.
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.