Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
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One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a prude or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris Killed Medusa with a round house Kick.
Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long.
The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here.
It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator.
I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar.
Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth.
The alligator just keeps his mouth open.
After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.