Joke #3047

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
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has 10.08 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won your acquittal. Why do you want to have him arrested?’ Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar. The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
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has 32.05 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, blonde, lawyer, nurse, priest
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women