Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
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Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers.
‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says.
‘You, Tom, gave me £15,000.
And you, Harry, gave me £10,000.’
The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom.
‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide this case solely on its merits.’
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder.
After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted.
The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’.
The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.